chat.

you there

well then i will just talk

so, freshman year, i thought ______ was attractive

then realized, hey im not

so i should give up

then sophomore year, i was really sad

but still thought ______ was adorable nonetheless

out of my league

too cute for me

junior year

sadder and lower self esteem

still, i wish ______ liked me

give up

senior year

i feel shitty

give up on everyone

______ is the cutest boy in my classes

at this point, he has gotten only more attractive

as i have persistently decreased

and gotten louder

and bitchier

and weirder

so, no chance

but then

what?

i wish i knew this last year

or the year before

or always

but, as just friends?

or, what if he asks _____

or ______

or __

and they say yes

then i will cry at prom

and leave

and smoke too much

and drink coffee

and make ______ bring me wine 

and we will drink

and drown our respective woes

although, ______ and i will do that anyway

someday

and i will wear a dress

and we will cry

drunk tears

and then, in my 40’s

ill look back and say,

damn

______ was a good friend